#+ explanation for the change: i just feel like this blog has become more personal to me again (

[izzymalec]

hey besties!! i've finally caved and starting today (saturday, 15. july) i'll slowly but surely (more surely than slowly) post things from other media as well 💔

everything will be tagged w the media name + the #not sh (that geniuely nobody has blacklisted but it's for me), if there are any triggers etc pls let me know so i can tag accordingly!!

this also means that my sideblog @deemacs will no longer be active bc anything that would've gone on here will now be on main

also this itty bitty change will be accompanied by tiny little changes in my (v faithful) icon and header (these aren't actually related, it's just good timing honestly)

thank u for reading and happy tumbling!!! 🩷🩷🩷

[creativitysloyalservant]

i have decided to break my lack of original posting on this blog to bring you my Thoughts on Rot in Paradise. because i played it as soon as i got up this morning and i have scoured for some opinions after finishing it, and now i have my own!!

(and also i posted this on twitter but twitter has such a Shit wordcount that i'm also posting my things here with More Detail)

so! spoilers under the cut, please go and play the game if you haven't. it takes literally an hour (it only took nearly 2 hours for me because i like voice acting by myself and exploring every nook and cranny) and it's also free. so maybe come back into the tag once you're done.

okay, so i noticed quite a number of people being confused and disappointed on the lack of an explanation for the monster. it's brought up in the story as the central thing driving the plot, but it's never explained on what "she" is, why she's compelling people to eat a ton of fish-related food or hell, metal, and why this doesn't impact June at all.

but you know what I think?

i think that that's the point. the focus of rot in paradise isn't supposed to be on the monster.

yeah, it's the thing that pushes the plot along besides June and the gang going on vacation in this island. it's what's causing that uneasiness from the moment that guy grabs June's arm at the drinks, to the sheer unnerving feeling of witnessing people going to the ocean to get Raptured basically. i know i personally felt a chill when i saw that one dude literally eating chains and the other hauling an anchor, as if they're trying to make themselves heavier so they get taken by whatever She is.

but that's not the main point! the main conflict is about June and her friends.

as people have pointed out, this game is about toxic friendships and relationships! it's foreshadowed in the conversation that June has with the gang about her cousin (which i will also get into), and it carries it through the way her friends are horribly warped by this ocean Creature. June goes on a silly little vacation trip with her friends only for them to become so so different from themselves that they lash out at her and even hit her in McCoy's case.

but she still sticks it out with them. through the whole game, even despite their verbal abuse, despite being slapped, despite them being people that she can hardly recognise. she stays with them for the whole game, up until the point where you are given the two options at the very end. and she could still stay with them.

because they're still her friends. she cares about them even if they still hurt her. from the way June still tells Carmen to tell June if she needs anything after Carmen literally tells her to shut up and leave, the way June worries about Vonnie eating seafood even though she continues to stuff herself despite being implied to either hate or make an active choice to not eat seafood, to the way June still trudges out to sea screaming for McCoy to come back to the shore as he wades further in even after he slapped her until her nose bled.

it mirrors the conversation about her cousin, the reason for why June was looking forward to the vacation. that while she did comfort her cousin through all of it, June clearly says that "they were dickheads, and she should have ditched them a long time ago".

but it's funny, isn't it? that June, an outsider to her cousin's friend group, easily sees the pain that her cousin's friends are causing her, and immediately calls it as it is. that her cousin should have left the second they hurt her.

and yet now, when her friends hurt her, even though this was a quick and sudden change that happened in a span of three days, June still sticks around. her friends are dickheads right now, and we can see that in the way they interact with June, but she still stays.

because they're her friends. and how could she just leave them like this if it's something that's causing them to be this way?

so no, i don't think the monster is supposed to be the main picture. we don't need to know what it looks like, or why it needs to do this to the islanders, or how it's even doing it in the first place. it adds to the scariness of the game, as per the Spooktober Game Jam, sure, but that's not the point. might be a bit disappointing to some, but that's not the point.

the point is about June, and the choice that she needs to make at the end of the game.

it's a choice on whether she chooses to be pulled deeper into the tides and be with the friends who hurt her and will continue to hurt her in this way,

or to leave them to their fates, whether deserved or not, and resurface to a world where she's alone without her friends.

and even though the first choice hurts much more in the long run, doesn't the second hurt even more in the moment? knowing that you're alone at the end of all of this?

even if it is the right choice, i'm sure the pain must be unbearable in the moment.

[gothcsz]

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Chapter XII.

GIF by uuuhshiny

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY: Lives for the memory, a woman who's just in his head (just in his head), and she sleeps in his bed (his bed) while he plays pretend. So pretend. –�� She, Harry Styles.

WORD COUNT: ~5.6k

RATING: 18+ Explicit topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. Minors DNI.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC TAGS: discussions of religion, murder mention, smut :p, protected p in v sex, dirty talk, car sex, more of that sweet sweet detective!javi, other things that I'm probably forgetting.

DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS: The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized.

A/N: not javi relapsing 😭 once a whore always a whore, am i right? hope you guys enjoy this week's chapter <3 as always feel free to drop any type of feedback/support on this blog or ao3. i'd really appreciate it <3

♰  read on ao3. ♰

♰  playlist | pinterest | series masterlist ♰

The next month crawls by at an agonizingly awkward pace. Each day drags on, and Javier feels like he’s losing his mind more and more. Determined to keep his promise of tailing August and his cohort, he shadows them relentlessly.

He comes to find out that they’re just fucking around more often than not. It doesn’t take long for them to notice his presence. They turn the tables, leading him on a wild goose chase around town, making him feel like a complete idiot. Javier comes to terms with having severely underestimated their cleverness, and now he must compensate for the time he’s wasted.

There are no revelations, not even after his efforts to dig into the lives of the other victims. Javi had hoped that a fresh perspective would uncover something significant, much like his breakthrough in Jessica’s room, but he was quickly proven wrong. He’s back to square one, with no solid leads to follow or sound suspects to look into. The restlessness builds as he waits for the files from Rome to arrive. In the meantime, all he has to hold him over is the diary.

His sleep pattern is a wreck again, not that it ever truly straightened out, but it had become tolerable until his separation from Paloma and the subsequent dead end in the investigation.

She is glued to her new group of friends, and it’s clear this attachment has fueled her recent defiant attitude. Despite the fact that he harshly told her he wasn’t her goddamn babysitter and had stopped following her even before their relationship fell apart, Javier can’t help but worry about her constantly. The fact that they’d caught onto his surveillance rightfully pissed him off, forcing him to abandon his efforts entirely. Now, he can no longer keep tabs on her, and this loss of control claws at him.

Such a bitter pill to swallow, knowing she’s slipping further away into a crowd he mistrusts. A mistrust born from envy and happenstance towards the head of the clique who appears to be her new boyfriend. Shithead kid.

Javier despises how they’re influencing her. From his distant observations and what Romeo tells him at work, he sees the changes. Paloma is spending multiple nights away from home with little to no explanation, picking more arguments with her father, and frequently calling out of work. Her weekend performances at The Whiskey Fox have dwindled. It’s as if she’s transformed into a different person. One he doesn’t recognize. The vibrant, dedicated girl he knew is now a shadow of her former self, lost in a crowd he can’t reach.

She, on the other hand, is overwhelmed navigating the revelations of her bloodline. August has managed to explain everything as thoroughly as he can, and while it all still sounds so otherworldly, she decides to follow him with unwavering trust and loyalty. He shows her more photos of her mother, proving her involvement in the original group of believers, and that’s enough to keep her from questioning him until he brings up the more violent aspects of the ordeal.

“There’s someone who’s dying to meet you,” he told her days ago, convincing her to travel further out with him to meet this mysterious person.

They’ve crossed the state line into Louisiana in the dead of night. Being this far from home stirs an unfamiliar feeling in her gut, but it is quickly replaced by ornate curiosity as they navigate the swampy lands of the property. Here, the only other surviving member of the original group lives, and she’s surprised that’s he’s been so close all this time.

The dense, humid air clings to her leaving her skin sticky in sweat. The thick foliage rustles with unseen creatures that frighten her but she manages to keep her composure. Every step forward feels like a step deeper into a world she is just beginning to understand.

The house is… modest. Kindly put. It’s nestled amidst bald cypresses and weeping willows. The occasional twinkle of fireflies adds a touch of magic to the scene, making it feel more picturesque than what it really is. There’s a creaky wooden bridge that runs over the water leading to the small home, her boot snagging on a raised plank which causes her to stumble slightly.

“Careful, angel,” August warns, his voice cutting through the night, “helluva lot of water snakes and other critters lurkin’ out here. Would hate for ya to be snagged up by a gator.” He steadies her with a firm grip, and she mutters a brief ‘thanks’, shuddering at the mere thought of coming face to face with a fucking alligator.

Sloane and August cross the threshold as if it’s their own home while Gabe lingers outside nursing a lit cigarette. She hesitates for a moment before trailing in after them, her nose wrinkling at the stale scent hanging in the air mingled with something far more pungent.

In the dimly lit living room, an elderly man reclines on a tattered and weathered couch, his frail form beneath the worn fabric of a blanket. His sickly demeanor is evident, emphasized by the array of pill bottles strewn haphazardly across the coffee table. The room itself seems to sag under the weight of neglect, every creak and groan a testament to its precarious state; as if it could crumble at any moment.

“Guardati. Cos�� bella. Così giovane. Avvicinati, la tua somiglianza con lei è sorprendente.”

She can't make sense of his thick accent, but August intervenes and gestures for her to come to the center of the room.

“He’s sayin’ you’re beautiful,” He translates, his words a lifeline in the sea of  her confusion, “and that your resemblance to your momma is uncanny. He wants to get a better look at ya.”

Her feet seem rooted to the floor at first, an uneasy sensation creeping over her once more. Despite her apprehension, she nods hesitantly and takes a few cautious steps forward. Standing at the foot of the couch, the elderly man’s weathered hand beckons for her to get closer, his eyes alight with curiosity and something else. Something she can’t quite place.

“Sarai una madre fantastica. Più grande di quella che ti ha preceduto. Tante vite perse e valorosamente sacrificate per far posto a te. Paloma, la matriarca della nuova era.”

She’s still so lost, the only thing she’s able to make out is her own name and the word mother. She turns to look over at August, who is watching intently as she silently asks him to translate again. He exchanges a glance with Sloane, who, uncharacteristically, remains silent.

“More monumental than your mother. He’s callin’ you the matriarch of the new age.”

Inhaling sharply, uncertainty clouds her thoughts as she struggles to decipher the old man’s intentions. When her attention returns to him, her breath catches in her throat once she notices a dagger clutched in his wrinkled hand. Panic surges through her veins and she instinctively moves to retreat, but his sudden grip on her wrist halts her in her tracks. She recoils, a sharp hiss escaping her lips as she tells him to let go.

“Take my life, Paloma. It would be an honor.”

Her blood runs cold at his words, eyes widening with a chill creeping up her spine. A sinister gleam flickers in his eyes, and she yanks her hand free, stumbling backward until she collapses onto the grimy floor. Terror grips her heart as she scrambles to her feet, her eyes darting frantically between the old man, August, and Sloane.

“Why did he say that?” Paloma’s voice cuts through the heavy silence, her confusion and nerves palpable.

There’s a moment of silence that only serves to fuel her growing agitation. She feels like she’s overreacting, but deep down, she knows she’s not. The old man’s request has unsettled her to the core. He asked her to kill him.

What. The. Fuck?

“He’s obviously sick and needs medical attention. Why did you bring me here?” Paloma’s gaze fixes on August, her tone tinged with accusation. As he steps closer to her, she instinctively takes a step back.

“For him. For this. He’ll be gone any day now ‘n his last request was to see you in person. He’s on his deathbed, Paloma. Remember ‘bout all the pain and sufferin’ that could end at your hands. Consider this part of that. Put him out of his misery–– he’s in so much pain and wants you to end it.”

“I-It’s murder.”

“If you think of it like that, you’re only hurtin’ yourself.”

She bites down roughly on her tongue, struggling to contain the torrent of emotions swirling inside her. A hesitant glance is cast toward the couch where the old man’s gaze remains fixed on her, his plea unyielding.

But she can’t bring herself to do it. She won’t. With a determined shake of her head, she takes a few steadying breaths. “M’not goin’ to do it. I’m sorry,” she declares, her voice wavering. It’s absurd, this situation they’ve found themselves in, and she can’t fathom how August could expect her to be remotely okay with it.

Sloane’s eyes roll with exasperation as she finally speaks up, her tone dripping with frustration and blunt honesty. “The shit we’re involved in ain’t always goin’ to be picture-fuckin’-perfect, Paloma. S’downright biblical—convoluted ‘n harsh. Not some fairytale. You’re goin’ to have to get your hands dirty eventually. This is tame compared to everythin’ that’s come before you, before me, before all of us. Quit pussyin’ out ‘n end this poor man’s sufferin’.”

She lets out a sound of disbelief, her mind reeling at the casualness yet intensity with which her friends discuss such a grave matter as goddamn murder.

But is it really murder if he’s this old and sick—moments away from ‘seeing the light’ and practically giving his life over to her to end? The moral ambiguity of the situation hits her hard, a cold shiver dancing down her spine. Despite the doubt gnawing at her conscience, she remains resolute in her decision. “No,” she states firmly, trembling with conviction.

Sloane scoffs in response, her displeasure evident when she abruptly exits the room, presumably heading outside to vent her frustrations to Gabriel.

“Baby––” August’s voice is gentle, a stark contrast to the weight of the situation

“No, August ‘n I mean it.”

More silence ensues, that is until the man begins to cough harshly, each spasm wracking his frail body. Splatters of blood stain the dirty blanket that envelops him. Paloma watches in stunned silence, unsure of what to do as he loses himself to the violent hacking. Her heart pounds in her chest with each agonizing moment, until finally, his body goes rigid, the coughing fit subsiding into an eerie stillness.

The events that follow unfold in slow motion. Gabriel and August wrap the man’s lifeless body in sheets scavenged from around the dilapidated house. They work in hushed tones, their movements methodical as they obscure his form before solemnly carrying it outside. With a heavy silence suspended over them, they toss it into the depths of the swamp, the murky waters swallowing the remains of a life now lost.

Paloma remains silent throughout, her mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and thoughts. She can’t shake the feeling of unease that squeezes her. At first, she argued for them to call an ambulance, to involve the authorities, but her pleas were swiftly dismissed by August.

He explained, with a grim certainty, how the action would backfire on them. The last thing they needed was to draw attention, to risk implicating themselves in suspicion. And as much as it pained her to admit it, she couldn’t deny the truth in his words. The consequences of involving the authorities were too great, and the thought of her father discovering that his dearest daughter was far from home, involved in something like this was a chilling prospect she couldn’t bear to contemplate.

He’d never let her out of his sight again.

The ride back to Seminary is long, restless and tense. She continues her vow of silence, ignoring them all together and shutting out the world around her. Even when August attempts to sweet talk her, his words fall on deaf ears.

It all feels surreal, like some fever dream she’ll wake up from at any moment, safe and sound in the comfort of her own bed. The memory of a dead body being dumped into a swamp as alligator food long gone.

She hops out of the truck as soon as it stops in the familiar driveway, grateful that her father wasn’t home yet, and August follows hot on her heels.

“Please say somethin’, sweetheart.”

“If it’s peace I’m bringin’, then why the need for violence? Why do I need to ‘get my hands dirty’?” 

“It’s… part of it.”

“Y’know you keep sayin’ that but never really explain what the hell it means.”

He sighs heavily, scratching at his jaw as he struggles to find the right words. “To appease our deity we have to give somethin’ up. I told you, s’very similar to the Genesis story of Cain and Abel and their offerings; ‘cept in this iteration Cain was favored instead of outcasted and cursed.”

“So killin’ that man would have been seen as an offering? What will you give up now that he’s dead, huh?” Her voice wavers with uncertainty, resolve beginning to falter. Maybe she isn’t ready to take on all this responsibility. While at first, she had fantasized about being a savior, something divine to help the world in its entirety, now it’s looking like she’s getting a lot more than she can morally handle.

“You told me all those nights ago that If I needed space ‘n time to think things over that you’d grant me that. So I’m askin’–– no, tellin’ you, August, that m’gonna need some distance to really think things through,” Paloma declares, her voice firm as she asserts her need for clarity and space.

His jaw twitches with a hint of exasperation, his piercing blue eyes searching her warm brown ones for understanding. He knows he’s pushed her too far, made her wary of him and his enigmatic cause. Despite his reluctance, he nods in resignation.

“Fine. You’re right,” he concedes, his voice tinged with regret. “Did say that ‘n I meant it. You take all the time you need, little dove. You know where to find me.”

There’s a pause as he hovers nearby. With a tender gesture, he leans in to plant a gentle kiss against her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment before reluctantly pulling away.

“M’sorry for making you uncomfortable,” he murmurs softly with remorse. She doesn’t say anything, and with a final glance, he turns and departs, leaving her standing there with her arms crossed as she watches them drive away. Alone with her thoughts and exhausted, she can’t help but wonder what the hell she’s going to do now.

“I don’t see why we need to keep draggin’ this out. S’only goin’ to keep bringin’ more problems ‘n stoppin’ us from what we’re tryin’ to do.”

August stares out the large window that overlooks the backyard of the property, half listening to Sloane’s opinion as the three of them discuss what their next move is.

“This is exactly how it all went to shit last time. They showed their hand too early ‘n it scared Calmana off. She fucked ‘em over then went into hiding. That won’t happen again. I won’t let it.”

“And you don’t think takin’ her out to Louisiana was you showin’ your hand too early? Fuckin’ scared her off and now who knows if she’ll ever think ‘bout comin’ back.”

He mulls over her words, back still facing them and eyes lost in the vastness of the ranch. “Maybe so, but we can still turn this minor setback around.”

“How? When? Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the next full moon s’tomorrow. No way we get her back on our side by then.”

“By continuin’ to be patient, Sloane.” He snaps at her, turning his head to the side, “In the meantime we find someone else t’ give over.”

“Full offense, but that’s a stupid ass idea.” She voices unapologetically, “Specially with that cop boyfriend of hers. He’s been gettin’ too close, August. If another dead body shows up you know he’ll find some bullshit reason to bring us in ‘n who knows what’ll happen after that.”

He licks his teeth, irritation flaring in his eyes. “So we pluck one of our own ‘n you do what you do best and handle him.”

He turns to face them fully, his gaze sharp and probing as he studies their reactions. “Or is that a problem?”

Gabriel, who rarely interjects in these planning sessions, speaks up. “Not a problem. We jus’ gotta be careful.” His eyes lock with August’s, a silent battle of wills. Gabriel has harbored reservations for a while now, but Paloma’s increasing involvement has intensified his suspicions.

Was what August promised even real? They’ve been at this for years, taking innocent lives with barely anything to show. ‘It takes time’ were the pacifying words August had repeated over and over. For a while, they had kept him satiated, but now those words feel hollow and weightless. He doesn’t know if he can continue with the senseless killing as they wait for Paloma to come around.

“We will,” August insists, his voice calm but firm. “We’re playin’ the long game here. Have been for years now. S’the only way. The payoff will be more rewardin’ than anythin’ I’ve ever promised either of y’all. You just have to trust me. Do you trust me?”

The question lingers, laden with excessive weight. The three share a look, the silence stretching as the gravity of their situation settles over them.

Gabriel’s trust continues to weaken. Sloane’s is resolute. Finally, they nod in unison.

“Yes.”

The files from Rome arrive right at Javier’s doorstep, and the amount of them leaves him stunned. Expecting a box or two at most, he assumed from his phone call with the professor that there wouldn’t be much material to comb through.

He was wrong. Big time. About a dozen boxes now litter his trailer home, each one packed to the brim with documents and photographs. 

Nestled among the boxes is an unexpected addition: an Italian language learning guide. Within it is a neatly written note from the woman who sent everything over.

Sorry these took so long. I translated as much as I could. Let me know if I can do anything else for you. Hopefully this helps.

His gaze bounces between the guide in his hands and the mountain of boxes. The enormity of the task ahead is almost daunting, but there’s also a flicker of excitement. This could be the breakthrough he’s been waiting for, buried in the copious amount of tangible information.

He sifts through each box thoroughly. Papers are strewn about, forming a chaotic landscape around him. His brows pinch together in concentration as he absorbs the gravity of the crimes committed, the horrific details coming to life through the countless documents. He reads how these assholes twisted the Catholic religion to their will in a blasphemous manipulation tactic.

The symbol appears again and again, more times than he can count. Its presence is an undeniable thread connecting past atrocities to present dangers. There’s no escaping the conclusion: whoever was involved back then is still pulling strings now. Javier clings to a sliver of hope, or perhaps it’s a desperate prayer, that it’s just one person and not an entire community entrenched in the same malevolent way that plagued the city of Rome.

As he delves deeper, the hours slip away unnoticed. It’s only when his stomach grumbles loudly that he realizes how late it’s gotten. The clock is nearing ten. He hasn’t eaten all day, not deliberately but because his hunger was eclipsed by the information he’s been processing. The realization snaps him momentarily out of his research-induced trance.

“Just one more,” Javi mutters to himself, metaphorically knee-deep in the files detailing the exploitation of countless women. Each folder reveals more barbarities, more lives shattered by sinister manipulations.

He flips open another manila folder, expecting more of the same grim details. Instead, he’s met with a photograph that makes him do a double take. A brunette with strikingly familiar features stares back at him. The intensity of her eyes, the curve of her nose, the pout of her lips��it all mirrors Paloma with an unsettling accuracy.

“Fuck this,” he snaps the folder shut without bothering to read the accompanying information. Her presence in his mind is relentless, making it impossible for him to concentrate on the task at hand.

He stands from the couch, pacing the small space of his living room while running a hand through his hair. It’s as if she’s everywhere, her likeness etched into the horrors he’s uncovering. Her ability to infiltrate his thoughts is infuriating, a constant reminder of the unresolved feelings that he can’t seem to overcome.

He needs a fucking breather.

It’s a slow night at The Whiskey Fox, and Javier feels a wave of relief as he steps inside. The atmosphere is a welcome break from the overwhelming sea of files that waits for him at home. After quick meal and a drink here, he’ll be ready to dive back into the labyrinth of information, hopefully with a clear head.

His moment of respite is cut short as Sloane saunters over to his side of the bar, her expression a mix of amusement and mischief. She leans forward, her shit-eating grin unwavering.

“What’ll it be, handsome?”

Javier keeps his voice plain as he tells her his order, his eyes flicking up to the television screen nearby that is broadcasting a college football game.

He can feel her gaze lingering on him as she uncaps his beer and slides it across the wooden countertop. Her stare is almost palpable, a prickling sensation erupting along his skin under the weight of it, but he refuses to react. Instead, his eyes stay fixed on the screen, ignoring her presence altogether.

Javi takes a long swig of the cold beer, the emptiness of the bar that had initially brought him solace now feels charged with unspoken tension; a reminder that no matter where he goes, complications seem to follow.

“Long day?” she asks casually, her hands busy with wiping down counters and rearranging bottles.

“Every day is a long day ‘round here,” He responds, attention still on the game. He hopes the curt reply will end the conversation, but Sloane isn’t so easily deterred.

“You’re right. The days do seem to drag by. ‘Specially workin’ with a job like yours, officer.” she continues, her tone light yet probing. 

His gaze flickers over to her then, only to find dark eyes and a seductive smile looking back at him. There’s a knowing glint in her expression, one that makes him uneasy. He doesn’t bother responding, focusing instead on his beer, then devouring the bar food that arrives shortly after.

“I’ve been told m’really good at bein’ a distraction,” she purrs, leaning closer. “Not to overstep, but you look really tense. I could help relieve some of that stress. Make tonight a little more bearable.” She bites her lip and tilts her head, her eyes swimming with suggestion.

Javi can feel the heat of her gaze, the overt invitation simmering between them. He’s tempted to look away, to bury himself back in the files at home, but something about her boldness holds his attention. For a moment, he considers the offer, the promise of temporary relief from the relentless pressure he’s under.

He finishes his meal in silence, the taste turning bland in his mouth as he mulls over his next move. The night is full of possibilities he’s not sure he wants to explore.

Javier taps his fingers against the wooden countertop as he watches her work, now his turn to do the staring. Sloane doesn’t back down; their gazes matched when she approaches him again. It’s a challenge and invitation rolled into one. The sparse number of patrons nearby do nothing to pull her attention away from him. She’s all in.

He knows he shouldn’t, but between the mess with Paloma and the complexity of the cases, a quick hook-up might just be what he needs to relieve some of that stress, as Sloane had so bluntly put it. It’s not his best move, sleeping with someone who had been on his suspects list; and it’s certainly not wise to get with the best friend of the woman he can’t seem to get over. 

The prolonged silence between them is thick with building sexual tension. Deciding to be fucking reckless, he leans forward slightly, a question forming on his lips.

“What time are you off?” he asks, his voice low.

“Twenty minutes,” she replies quickly, her excitement barely concealed.

Javier nods, effectively confirming the salacious invitation. Sloane giggles, biting her lip as she brings him another beer, finishing her shift with practiced motions. He closes his tab, feeling a mixture of anticipation and guilt nestle in his chest.

Stepping outside, he heads to his truck parked at the very back of the lot. He lights a cigarette, taking a long drag as he contemplates his decision. You still have time to back out, the angel on his shoulder reminds him, the voice of reason in the quiet night. But the devil, fueled by his sexual frustration, whispers back, Or you can keep doing what you’re doing and allow yourself one quick, good fuck to get your head back on straight.

He puffs away at his cigarette, the smoke curling up into the darkness as he weighs his options. The decision feels heavier than it should.

Sloane saunters out of the building, her eyes scanning the parking lot until they land on him. A flirty smile tugs at her lips as she draws closer.

“Thought you woulda changed your mind. Happy to see that wasn’t the case,” she teases, casually plucking the cigarette from between his lips. She takes a long drag, savoring it, before returning it to its original place.

Javier narrows his gaze, irritation and desire flickering in his eyes. “I should. Probably a dumb fuckin’ idea, but I don’t really give a shit at the moment.”

Her smile broadens into a smirk. “Got tired of watchin’ us from a distance and wanted to see the real thing up close?” Her nimble fingers toy with the button of his shirt, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she looks up at him.

His jaw flexes at the mention of his patrolling, a reminder of the line he’s about to cross. Javier shrugs, playing it cool. “Had to make sure you weren’t causing any trouble around here, sweetheart.”

She laughs, a sultry sound that dances around them. Slowly, she begins unbuttoning his shirt, her touch deliberate and teasing. “M’always causin’ trouble, officer, and I think you know it, too.”

Javier finishes off the cigarette, dropping it to the ground and smothering it. His large hands reach out, gripping her waist firmly as he swiftly switches their position. Pressing her against the side of his truck, he ducks his head, placing a few kisses along the line of her jaw. His lips trail down to her neck, eliciting a soft gasp from her as her hands roam over his now-exposed chest. 

Their lips meet in a heated kiss, making out passionately in the shadows of the nearly deserted parking lot. Sloane’s hand comes down to palm Javier through his jeans and he shudders, his own hand fidgeting with the door handle until he swings it open and ushers her to climb in.

Once they’re inside the spacious cab of his truck, Javier pulls Sloane into his lap and his tongue slips into her mouth, fingers digging into skin as they undress one another as best as they can in the confined space. He’s turned his mind completely off, losing himself in her eager touches and lustful moans.

“Knew you’d be good at this,” Sloane breathes out, tilting her head back as Javier begins to leave hungry kisses and lovebites all over her neck and collarbone. Back in Colombia, the girls at the brothel had jokingly given him the nickname Javi el Vampiro due to his bad habit of leaving marks. Once he realized it was bad for their business, he quit doing it.

He hasn’t changed a bit. The bite on Paloma’s shoulder an example of it, and now the evidence he’s eagerly leaving against Sloane’s pretty, flushed skin. Javier can’t get enough of her taste, her scent, the feeling of her writhing against him. He grinds his hips up as she presses down, both of them desperate for more friction, more contact, more release.

He hikes her skirt up, moving her panties to the side as two of his thick fingers press against her clit and she moans wildly, her wetness coating his digits.

No matter how bratty or self assured the women who pursue him act, they always succumb to his skilful touch.

“You like that, baby?” Javier asks with a tilt of his head, applying more pleasure as she mewls out a filthy yes. He slowly moves his fingers inside of her, fucking her gently as she moans and begs.

“Need to feel all of you,” Sloane selfishly requests in which he quickly complies, raising his hips to pull his jeans down to his mid thigh and he expertly grabs a condom, slipping it on.

Her hands rest on his shoulders so she can lean in to kiss him messily, biting on his lower lip. The tip of his cock nudges against her clit then down her slit, collecting her arousal. “Put it in, sweetheart.” He orders and she complies once he moves his hand, her small fingers wrapping around his thick base as she guides it to her weeping cunt, slowly sinking down on him.

“Shit,” Javier’s head falls back against the headrest at the feeling of her tight pussy clenching around him. The windows have fogged up due to their ministrations, and there’s a slight rock to his truck once she fully sits on him and begins to move her hips, tastefully alternating between bouncing and swiveling around. 

“Oh, fuck, yes,” Sloane moans, her nails digging into his shoulders as she takes him on the ride of his fucking life.

He pinches her nipples then soothes the feeling over with his wet tongue, bringing her closer as he places open mouthed kisses all over her bouncing tits. The scratchy tickle of his mustache has her walls clenching around him viscerally. 

“I’m not, oh f-fuck, I’m not Paloma. You don’ have t’hold back.” She sputters, slowing her movements. Immediately his demeanor changes, pulling back from her chest and bringing his hand up to grip her jaw.

“Touchy subject. I know all about it,” she licks her lips, urging him to tighten his hold on her face, “S’okay baby. Take whatever you want from me,” her voice drops to a whisper, hips beginning to move again slowly and sensually. “I don’t mind bein’ used.”

The clasp on her jaw don’t relent, her filthy words stroking his kink for hearing beautiful women be so vulgar.

“That what you want, babygirl? For me to use this tight little pussy of yours?” His hand lowers from her jaw to wrap around her neck, thick fingers pushing in to the delicate skin. 

“Yes, please your cock feels fucking amazin’. You’re so big.” She relishes the feeling of his fingers wrapped around her neck and the lack of airflow, eyes fluttering shut and her lips parting open as he begins to thrust up into her, completely taking control. 

Javier’s free hand grips her waist, guiding her up and down roughly. “Atta girl. Takin’ it so good, baby.” His grunts and her moans interwoven with the obscene sounds of her squelching pussy and his rabid thrusts fill the air of the cab, bodies glistening in sweat as he fucks her like she’s nothing but a toy.

Her walls cling to his cock when she cums all over him, the creamy ring of her release evident against the condom as she shouts his name with a litany of expletives, falling forward against his chest.

Both of his hands find purchase guiding her ass, the change in angle enough to bring forth his own orgasm, shooting his load into the condom and leaving bruises along her supple skin.

Sloane breathes heavily against his neck, her soft kisses trailing along the column of his throat and under his jaw as he tries to steady his racing heart, already craving nicotine. 

“Mmm, that was fun. Save a horse ‘n ride a cowboy,” she giggles, pulling away to kiss him on the lips one final time before easing off his cock.

He only huffs as they straighten up and redress, stepping out of the truck. The subtle breeze offers a welcome relief from the heat that had built up inside the cab. Javier wastes no time lighting a cigarette, taking a deep drag and offering one to her, which she declines.

Tonight has been nothing but a blur of poor decisions, culminating in an act he can’t take back. The temporary relief he sought from his stress vanishes as they peel out. Alone with his thoughts, the magnitude of his actions begins to sink in. Fuck, why had he done it? Why hadn’t he just listened to his conscience and left? Why hadn’t he stopped when she said Paloma’s name?

Now he grapples with the repercussions of his colossal screw-up. Javier berates himself, unable to suppress the self-loathing that constantly gnaws at him but seems to be doing a real number on him now. How could he be so stupid, so weak? He let his primal, sexual urges eclipse his judgment, allowing a moment of feebleness to infiltrate his hardened demeanor and dictate his actions.

It’s the same vicious cycle he finds himself in constantly. The only difference is that he’s repeating it here and not back in Colombia.

With each drag of his cigarette, he replays the scene over and over, each time feeling a sharper sting of regret. 

He feels Sloane’s lips on his neck, her hands on his shoulders and the sweat from her body clinging to him uncomfortably. He wants to wash it all off, baptize himself in whatever body of holy water that’ll refine his morals and character.

Paloma is everything he wants, whether he wants to admit it or not—kind, compassionate, and genuine. He doesn’t deserve her, that much is apparent, but it doesn’t deter him from how strongly he feels about her; even if he tries to stifle it and acts out like a complete asshole in hopes that he can trick his heart and mind into dismissing her. To no avail.

He’s jeopardized any semblance of reconciliation for a fleeting moment of escapism with Sloane. The stress he thought he could shed by seeking solace in another’s arms has only deepened, leaving him feeling more burdened than before. The emptiness of the night echoes the hollowness he feels inside. No amount of nicotine is going to change that as he thinks about Paloma.

He imagines her face, the pain and disappointment she’ll feel if she finds out. It’s a look that he hates he’s so familiar with, having hurt her more times than he ever should have. All that cruelty he’s inflicted on her to keep himself from hurting her further down the line has only doubled back with a vengeance.

He really is a piece of shit, as he’s been reminded of plenty of times by a vast amount of people—not just women, but colleagues, higher-ups, everyone. Then in the same breath being called a hero. As if.

He’s a bad person, undeserving of Paloma’s or anyone else’s love and forgiveness. So much for him wanting to better himself. If his mother, may she rest in peace, were here–– she’d definitely be disappointed by the man her son has become.

I didn’t raise you to be like this.

His fists clench at his sides, discarding the finished cigarette as he leans against the hood of his truck, running his fingers through his hair.

To spit in the metaphorical face of the so-called respect and admiration he has for Paloma, over something as meaningless as a fleeting fucking moment of lust, fills him with a profound sense of shame. He stands there, staring into the darkness, wishing he could turn back time, make different choices, walk away, and preserve her dignity.

To erase the pain he keeps inflicting on this poor girl.

But the damage is done, he thinks bitterly. There's no undoing it. Now he has to face whatever consequences come his way, knowing that he’s long lost the best damn thing that’ll ever happened to him.

The realization cuts deep, a cold, hard truth that he can’t escape. Paloma’s bravado, her gentle nature, and the genuine connection they once shared—all of it is now further tainted by his continuous thoughtless actions.

Italian translations:

Guardati. Così bella. Così giovane. Avvicinati, la tua somiglianza con lei è sorprendente. = Look at yourself. So beautiful. So young. Come closer, your resemblance to her is striking.

Sarai una madre fantastica. Più grande di quella che ti ha preceduto. Tante vite perse e valorosamente sacrificate per far posto a te. Paloma, la matriarca della nuova era. = You will be an amazing mother. Bigger than the one before you. So many lives lost and valiantly sacrificed to make room for you. Paloma, the matriarch of the new age.

[theshiftingfairy]

Ok, i wasn’t going to talk about those posts that are coming recently into shiftblr, who spreads limiting beliefs from shifttok but here is my five cents on the issue :

i didn’t see them, like at all. Instead i have a feed full of people loosing their mind over shifttok taking control on tumblr and dictate what is right or wrong in shifting. And i completely understand the feeling, the moment i realised there where other platform than TikTok to find shifting information and motivation, i left the app for tumblr, where i found a lot more grace for the « old » shifter that i am (like, it’s not even an issue here, i wouldn’t have dared to state my age on shifttok so i mostly didn’t interact and was a silent viewer.)

And i think the reason i don’t see those misinformation posts is because when i did see posts like that when i arrived on the app, i rapidly scrolled past them and the algorithm understood i wasn’t interested. The way algorithms works is by measuring your engagement on posts and push on you content that are similar to what you are already the most engaged on. This is calculated by the likes and comment you leave of course, but it also takes note of how long you stay on one posts (i don’t know about tumblr specifically, this is in general). In any case, i don’t take any chance, if i don’t want to see more of something, i don’t even bother to block, i immediately scroll past it. And for me at least, it has been more effective than blocking.

And you can argue that it’s because i engaged with content complaining about shifttok it keeps being pushed on my page, i think it’s absolutely the case, i have a few people i follow who spoke about it and i did like some of those post and commented on some too. And tbh, i will stop engaging with those content because all i see is complaints, anger and frustration and yes, it is TikTok all over again, not because of people trying to control what others do, but because of people being frustrated.

I want my feed to be full of storytimes from people who have shifted, without it being romanticised by the readers, like i saw it happening often on TikTok, with people demanding more storytimes like it’s a tv show, or becoming incredibly rude when they did not agree with the choices made by the shifters they follow.

I want to see advices from others shifters sharing what is helpful to them, but not claiming this is how you shift and you have to follow those exact steps, because every one is different and different things work for different people.

I want to see scenarios idea, headcanon, scripts . I want to see shifters having fun with their dr without getting on each other’s throats because they don’t agree with what the other is doing. I think discussing a disagreement with respect is awesome, saying i don’t agree with you and move on is ok, harassing people and threatening them because you disagree with them is not leading anywhere and is only building up anger on both sides and it’s frustrating for me as well to watch.

My personal advice for those who are frustrated right now is to keep going with their usual content, ignore content you disagree with and see if it keeps being pushed to you and block if someone harasses you. I know when the shifting tags are used, there is more chance to see those content you don’t want, but i think it’s not worth loosing hair over it.

Again, explaining your point of view, and why think what you think while staying respectful is awesome. I saw amazing posts explaining age changing and race changing (@mywitchyblog all their post are amazing, and it is very important to have a blog tackling touchy subjects like this and open dialogue ) and if the other party can’t accept reasonable explanation, there is nothing left to do than block and ignore, they won’t change their mind. They just don’t want to.

They decided to police what others do instead of focusing on their own shifting journey. Honestly, they will either judge us too toxic and leave on their own or they will create a new community within the existing one.

The huge issue i see with this unfortunately is for new shifters, they wouldn’t know what content is good or bad, and if the community gets so divided it will be harder to know what to trust. That’s the only thing where, i don’t really know what to do except continue posting.

Anyway, i was mostly frustrated only seeing complaints and while i share the frustration, i think it’s best to focus on our own journey and continue sharing what is helpful to us.

Happy Shifting 🧚🏻‍♀️

[dangermousie]

would you happen to have thoughts about the acting/casting and/or depth of characterization in rise of ning? i'm watching it and wanna be more into it but fsr most of the cast (besides wanyi and the stepmom) are not very...charismatic? to me 😧 would love a convincing mousie blog on the topic if you have one up your sleeve!

I am a terrible person for this kind of question because (a) I tend to watch most shows for the mains and supportings are less important to me in general and (b) I am not really a person who wants to convince others to like what I like because all my liking means is I enjoy it; others may or may not - I am no arbiter.

This said, while the OTP are the shining stars of the show for me, I do find the rest of the characters interesting (even if a lot of them are not likable - I dare anyone to find Dad likable.) I think it's because they all feel like real people to me - in their good and their petty. Even minor characters like First Aunt - I knooow women like this. Or the Dad - too many men are like that. Or take oldest daughter of First Aunt - so many other narratives would make her evil or besotted stupidly to the end but she is not - she ends up doing the sane thing and moving on from her crush and repaying FL's favor; but they don't become BFFs, they basically a nicely tolerant, which is a realistic thing in families.

And it allows characters both greyness and consistency. Take Lady Qiao. Awful person but loving mother and you really understand how Dad and societal structures pushed her into what she is. Or, even better, grandma - she is very much a grande dame of society, I am sure she was a good wife, but it's clear she is part of all the generational trauma and dad got his tendency to favoritism from her. And I love that she's consistently so - no magic change of heart vis-a-vis ML. It's realistic.

As to non-Luos, the only ones we really see are Ci Sha's sinister sexy marquis and his nephew. I am interested in the former not just for the hotness (tho mmmm) but because I want to know what his deal is, and nephew is interesting enough for a minor character.

(I am leaving actors out of this write up because I think they all do fine jobs, but mainly because unless acting is truly bad, I care about the characters only.)

This said - this is (a) very much a costume take on slice of life or, perhaps better, a cdrama take on something like a Gaskell novel - I love that small but wonderful subgenre but depending on one's taste, it just might not be one's bag (no matter how well a proper harem drama is made, for example, I just don't like them) and (b) this is all my very subjective take - I am a big fan of "clicking." I believe things either click for us or don't, somewhere in the lizard brain; we can then write a long explanation as to why but it really is an attempt to explain after the fact. And this just might be a situation where those characters/narratives just don't click for you. I mean, plenty of people enjoyed Are You the One this year and I felt like it poisoned my puppy - not even 100 essays could ever make me like it because it's so subjective. I could very well go "I get why X likes it" but it would, alas, not make me like it any more than I do now. I am one of probably three people who dislike the main premise of Nirvana in Fire (could write essays on it!) and the fact that everyone else loves it has not changed my mind.

I can perhaps explain (badly) why I think the click happened for me here, but I have no eloquence to make that click happen for anyone else (if I did, mwhahahahahaha I would take over the world and adapt every good danmei out there :P)

[stanfordprepped]

Why I Haven't Been On Sam.

I think it's time to address the elephant in the room: why being on Sam has been so difficult. And not just a few minute details. But an actual explanation since so many of you have been so kind and have followed me for so long. I am hoping to get back on him at some point. When I feel ready. I will be placing the reasons below the cut as triggering topics are inbound. Just in case anyone who knew what the reason was and or/have been involved in that whole horrible mess...Don't worry. I won't be mentioning anything to do with you. I won't be naming names. I won't be saying a word about all that. I want to protect your peace and privacy. I always will. That said, reasons below the cut :

Through my Sam Winchester blog, I met another roleplayer. I will not be mentioning their name either because what good will that do when 1) they are gone, and 2) I am never going to stoop to their levels. This roleplayer started out very sweet and kind. Our characters had a wonderful connection. They started reaching out to other roleplayers I was close to, as well as me. We all liked them and trusted them dearly. Eventually, a relationship was formed between myself and this roleplayer. They became a part of my friend group. We all even thought of each other as family. But slowly, things started to change. That person became more vindictive, hateful, and rude when things did not go their way. They would even try to rope me in via guilting if I did not help or trying to make me feel like they were being mistreated so I'd say something. I didn't realize what they were doing at first. That they were manipulating me into doing what they wanted. Time went on and it started becoming far more frequent. They started lashing out at everyone and if I wasn't on their side then it turned on me. Eventually, we all parted ways. Thank god. Because those people were smart for getting out. And I'm so very glad that they did and that they are all safe. The deeper things got, the more info this person had on me. Hell, we'd even met and spent four days together at one point. They met my child. They'd been to my house. Even when I started seeing the horrible way they were acting, I was too scared to leave. I could only use their aesthetics they made for me. I had to respond to them first on everything. I had to answer discord rps daily or they got angry. There were so many horrible fights. So many horrible things said to me. I had never felt so low. I couldn't do anything right. i was always upsetting them. I spent a lot of days crying. or pushing myself to write on Sam. Eventually, I snapped and got the hell out of there. Ever since, it's been hard to write here. It's hard to look at Sam the same way. And since that person wrote Dean for a short spell, it's kinda hard to look at Dean too. I just have an awful taste in my mouth. I'm still healing...I'm sorry everyone. for taking so long. I am still so messed up. I feel the need to apologize for anything and everything. I am constantly defensive. I am still anxious.]]

[kingmagnificoofrosas]

Hello! So I figured I should probably share my two cents on this since you seem pretty open for discussion. I understand a previous anon brought up the fact that this isn’t excusing it’s just explaining and I also understand that Magnifico mainly went all villain when that rat book took control, but I also feel like there may be a slight… I’m not sure how to describe it honestly so I’ll let the rest of my ask speak and see if hopefully my point tangible.

Magnifico did hold a weapon to Amaya’s face to threaten her into agreeing with him, and based on her reaction to seeing him with the evil magic (rapid breathing, shaky speech, flinching, instant fawn + freeze reaction) it’s possible she likely has some form of trauma that I personally believe may have been a abusive relationship.

I should say I am NOT a Magnifico hater, I don’t believe he was a villain at all but I’m not sure about hero. Of course I’m open to hearing others out and I’m entirely open to learning new things and changing my opinions! So this isn’t me saying ‘No you’re wrong I’m right’ it’s just intended as me giving my own personal views and asking for yours in return! Sorry for the three paragraph ask and I hope that you have a great day! 💙

(Also to people who hate on Magnifico that are coming to this account, just why?? Just leave instead of throwing a hissy fit in this persons asks whose just being kind and sharing their personal views, it’s that easy 😒)

Hey anon!

First of all, thank you for being so nice and defending me! Absolutely right! It's beyond me how someone who doesn't like him comes to my blog to nagg at me for loving and defending him, make me a bad person and furthermore accuse me of things .... crazy, anyway! Don't apologize for this long ask! 😆 I appreciate you wanting my opinion! I also wish you a great day! 💙

Now, let's begin this, shall we?

I can actually explain this as well!! 😃 (and no, it doesn't have anything to do with me loving and defending Magnifico. (Well mostly. *Eherm*) this is based on logical observations!

Soo, Amaya's reactions ... I'm absolutely sure they're not because he's been abusive. Magnifico had been nothing but a sweetheart to her. The explanations are much simpler and relatable.

Amaya knew that Magnifico was able to do great magic, she knew he was very powerful. But she also knew the evil book was powerful. She didn't know to what degree but what do you think happens to someone who's already powerful and gets posessed/controlled by an evil force?

Exactly. They become dangerous and unpredictable. The more power someone has the more dangerous they'd be if posessed by evil. Think of the nicest, sweetest dog, who'd never bite, never do anything bad. If this dog was to get posessed by an evil force, it could maul someone to death. It has teeth and a very powerful jaw to begin with.

The other thing is, who wouldn't flinch if someone pointed a weapon at them? This is a natural human reflex. Yes, some people are jumpier than others (I am 🤣, truly! Sometimes my coworker sneaks up on me while I work on a client to whisper something in my ear and I squeal in shock every single time. It's funny for everyone but me.) But we're talking about Amaya here! It's normal for the body to react if threatened. So we have our reasons why she went fawn mode.

Also, one of the first things she says to him is "How could you!" So, he's already in a very bad place, traumatized, suffering and on top posessed by evil now, and the first thing he's confronted with by his "wife" is blame. Nice. Blame! Guilt tripping and cornering him even further! Bravo Amaya 👏🏼

So Amaya being scared is relatable and justified. But does her being afraid justify her dumping and backstabbing Magnifico? No.

Just look at her smirk as she gives the guards the order to put him in the dungeons! I'm fine with Amaya x Magnifico shippers but I personally will never ship them! Poor man was desperate and shocked at how quickly and with how much ease she was writing him off.

If Magnifico had been her soulmate, she would have fought to death to get him back. Just imagine, if she had stood up and defended him, pleading her people to help her, saying something like : "Listen to me! Magnifico isn't evil, he's posessed by evil! I know he's dangerous and unpredictable right now but I know he's still in there somewhere and if we can reach him, we can get him back! I know you're scared, I am too, but together we can make it! Please, stand with me!"

I mean, she's the queen, alright? The people of Rosas are to obey and follow her command right after Magnifico. One right word of her and her people would follow her and not Asha. Btw. She could have also asked Asha and her friends to help her. I don't think they would have disagreed if she'd pleaded with them. She's their queen! Or would Asha have turned against Amaya as well then? 😐

You cannot tell me they wouldn't have been able to reach and save Magnifico by standing together in love and bold compassion! We literally saw how the wishes and (star) were set free from the evil force just by singing and standing together! Only imagine they had done this to free Magnifico! Saying he wasn't savable because the evil book said so is bullcrap.

I don't believe the evil book! A evil book is well, evil! And light will always be more powerful than darkness! Love will always be stronger than hate! Imagine a room full of darkness, then light a match, that tiny speck of light is still glowing! The dark cannot consume it! Because in light there cannot be darkness. And what does a evil book do besides destroy and corrupt?

Also, this looks painful! 🥺☝🏻this is nothing but incredibly tragic and sad!

Also, in the past, every single heroine has managed to break curses by true love and compassion! I was reminded of Moana and Te fiti for this!

Do you guys remember that scene, where Moana realizes that Te Fiti is still inside the posessed evil monster? Was Moana afraid? Sure she was! But did that stop her from reaching out to get her back? No!

Te ka (evil Te Fiti) could have burned Moana to a crisp in the split of 2 seconds but Moana still bravely approached her! She willingly faced death because she knew Te Fiti was still in there and by her immense love and compassion she'd get her back! She went "this is not who you are!" And boom!

There's more!

I also remember a scene from the 2 Maleficent live action! When Maleficent was consumed and controlled by hate, anger and revenge. She was all hiss, roar, I'm evil and Aurora stood up to her and told her "This isn't you! There's another way! I know who you are! I know you!" And Maleficent replies "You do not!" And Aurora in tears, in pain but 100% certain, says "Yes I do! You're my mother!"

And just like that the evil in Maleficent crumbles. True loves overcomes all evil! It's always been that way.

And even if no one would have helped Amaya, we'd still have the (true love breaks every curse!) But she did nothing. Well, she did run to Asha and her friends to sing about how bad he's always been like a pop star. She gave Magnifico up over the course of minutes, didn't even try fighting to get him back and wrote him off with a smile!

Magnifico was deeply hurt, the betrayal stung and he suffered inside. He had so much pain and anger and his anger is justified! Please, put yourself in his shoes for a moment. One doesn't even have to fully understand trauma and the whole complexity of the different forms of ptsd.

He only ever tried his best to have everyone happy and content. He only ever wanted to protect and keep safe. That's always been his goal. He held onto his power because he wanted to be strong enough to keep whats dear to him from harm at all costs! If someone wants to protect that fiercly it only means that person loves immensly 1 and 2 has suffered unbelievable painful loss. He loved his people! He cared for his people immensly. So much so he was willing to get himself posessed by evil even if he never wanted to! He felt forced by his desperation and utter fear.

And what did his people do in the end? Can you imagine how badly it must have hurt to realize you've only been loved for what you can do and give? How used he must have felt? He's been celebrated more for being handsome and a limitless genie than a loving king who established an amazing kingdom and ruled it well! He's bent backwards and all it took his people to turn on him was a teenager who thinks she knows better than anyone with a strange cute looking creature from the sky, they btw. knew just as little about!

Everyone backstabbed and betrayed him. Here he is, at the peak of all his suffering and posessed. His soul surely cried for help, hoped for anyone to reach out to him but no one did. He got kicked into his wound even further. Quite literally, this was the thanks he got.

[officialinuyasha]

Yashahime - Takashi Shiina Blog Translation - Sunday S February 2022 [Part 2]

12/27/2021

The first step in the princesses' journey is the village of the exterminators. The spotlight is on the grown up Kohaku-kun, and we look back at the story of “Inuyasha” from his point of view.

This comicalization starts with an entrance like "me and the reader visit the world of 'Inuyasha' with Towa-chan", and reconstructs the anime as "a story that explains the character of Sesshomaru from the perspective of a new set of characters". Therefore, “the testimonies from different perspectives of those who were there in ‘Inuyasha’” are an explanation that serves as a prequel and, at the same time, a guidepost. The past that boss Kohaku has been burdened with is also fully disclosed in the manga, deepening the interest in the complex shades of the father Lord Sesshomaru.

I interpreted Kohaku-kun as “another Sota-kun who lives in a harsh world”, so in the comic version Sota papa is an over-fond father and boss Kohaku also pampers the three princesses (laugh). I wanted to depict him as a grown up praying in front of the graves of his father and companions, whom he killed while he was manipulated by Naraku, and the fact that he hasn’t completely escaped from his past, but that would make the story darker so I modified it.

In the original Inuyasha version, Kirara-chan is a child who doesn't have speech balloons or anything like that, but in the anime version she is quite vocal, and it feels like she talks a lot when she is imported back into the manga. After wondering what to do (about this) in the comicalization, I interpreted it as “from the human Kagome’s point of view, she’s silent, but from the perspective of the princesses Kirara is relatively talkative”. While I was at it, I tried to make her more cat-like, but it turned out that if I made her too much like a cat, she would become a different person (or beast?), like "she's long when you pick her up" or “she presses your face with her paw pads and sticks to you if you are too sticky". For the time being, I drew it like this (laugh). 

I couldn't have a very large group of people riding on Kirara-chan, so a horse was provided for the boss (1) for the later development. When I drew it, I was able to capture the dignity and authority of him as an adult, so I think it was the right choice. By the way, this is just my personal, unofficial backstory, but I think the name of his beloved horse might have been “Kagura”. 

Kagura’s final scene is one of the most outstanding, famous scenes of the series, so I really wanted to pick it up, but the dilemma was that if I went too far into it, the balance of the story would swing too much in that direction because it is so impressive. Therefore, after consulting with Takahashi sensei, I decided to limit it to a small cut from the perspective of Kohaku-kun, who had rushed (to her side) and was watching her. In other words, I really wanted to show how she lived her short life to the fullest, even if it was just a glimpse. Her way of life overlaps with characters who appear later.

The centerpiece of the new chapter is the participation of older brother Kouga, who only appears in the anime original work (2). If the anime word line is extended, Ayame-chan should also be there, but due to page reasons she couldn’t appear. It may be that she is in charge of protecting the pack and house-sitting. 

As I wrote before, Master Yawaragi has been rejuvenated while slightly changing her standing position. This time she has no (spoken) lines, but in the next chapter she will be speaking in the Kansai dialect, so please look forward to it (laugh).

The first volume of the manga, which contains chapters up to last month, will be released around the 18th of January (3). The first print run has been reduced to a small number, so it will probably run out of stock… That’s what I hope… No, running out of stock means that there will be people who want it but can't get it so it’s not something good. It would be nice to say to Shogakukan “Hey!! You should have printed some more!! Hurry up with the second edition!!” with a smug look on my face. Well, there is also a digital edition, so in case you can’t buy in a shop please consider that option in addition to pre ordering and ordering it. Buy it.

Source: https://cnanews.asablo.jp/blog/2021/12/27/9451212

Notes

1- Kohaku. 

2- He refers to the original anime and The Final Act.

3- January 2022.

[spaceyflowers]

hi!! im still alive!! + updates on this blog

first: i would like to apologize for disappearing without a word for like. nearly a year. im terribly sorry for any worry i've caused T_T;;

honestly i have no good excuse for disappearing like i did especially without reason (not that im obligated to let everyone know my business but i did have a "i wont randomly disappear!" sentiment and yet... here i am) but in a nutshell, its basically: fandom shifts, college, and guilt.

if you want to know about the future of this blog fandom wise;

still going to be a lookism/viral hit blog (havent caught up yet) but most likely wont be as active in the fandom anymore;;; thinking of sticking as a lookism blog until that series ends but who knows when it will so i might eventually just change fandoms 😭

please dont feel bad about unfollowing or anything!! curate what u wanna see with who u follow, i take no personal offense, even if we've been long time mutuals!! ><

fandom shifts will probably be more common; i have this weird thing where i cant focus on multiple interests or i get stressed;; so i get obsessed with one thing for months/years but then once i lose interest and move on, its likely i wont return to it unless something triggers it. thats why i dont think "multifandom" fits me, i'll always be fandom focused, its just the fandom focus changes 😭

p.s. sorry if im being dramatic about this (i feel like a youtuber who got canceled writing an apology 😭😭) i just feel like i owe yall an explanation </3

if you're curious about me, i've left that under the cut;

got into a new interest which made me stop looking at lookism/viral hit stuff -> knowing my blogs are lookism focused, i decided to take a "break"

couldnt get myself back into lookism after my "break" ended -> couldnt get myself back on tumblr

started to feel guilty because i havent been active in a long while

senior year ending, school takes my priorities -> summer break comes, i swear i'll apologize on tumblr but guilt eats away at me and then i have to do college stuff

become a little active on tiktok, start feeling more guilty because im active there but not on tumblr

college begins, get busy with college stuff -> during breaks, swear i'll apologize on tumblr pt 2 but the guilt has piled up so much it feels like the equivalent of when a person cant get themself to reopen their animal crossing new leaf game because they havent touched it in a long time

first college semester ends, winter break starts -> finally convince myself to get over it and start typing all this up

once again im really sorry T_T i was not made for the content creator life bc i cant stay active for shit + i feel so bad gaining followers for one thing but once i move on from that one thing, it feels like im disappointing a lot of ppl even tho i know i dont owe strangers on the internet anything- im just repeating myself now but yknow

oh and for anyone curious: my current fandom is dmc <3

[magpiesmemes]

|| Magpie's Tumblr RP guide ||

So it's been a while since I made one of these but with the shut down of omegle, more people are joining the site to rp, I figured I'd explain some of the basics.

Now none of these are necessary, you can just do as you do but these are some of the 'norms' here on tumblr currently. They may change and evolve over time, they've done so countless times in my time on tumblr but here's this for now for those who might find it useful!! Please feel free to offer feedback on this, I struggle with giving instructions so I've tried to make it as clear as possible but my brain isn't the best with this kind of thing. I will correct anything that needs correcting and add things as time goes on, so please do check back if you request an explanation/addition to something as I will try to add it asap.

Last updated: 29/11/23

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BASICS

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Basic Etiquette

Don't reblog roleplays that aren't yours, often this will mess up peoples thread trackers and it's a nightmare.

Rather than reblog asks to continue them as roleplays, make a new post and link the ask in that post. This avoids blog clutter for both parties.

ALWAYS read peoples rules and about pages. No exceptions.

No one is obliged to write their character purely as they are in canon. Canon divergence, au, or just additional headcanons for canon characters is very common. Do not make issue with someone just because their writing for a character doesn't fit with how you see them. It's their character, just don't write with them if you don't like how they write them. Simple as that.

Don't godmod. This means don't take control of a persons character unless otherwise instructed by the other writer, do not assume attacks immediately hit/injure/kill their character without prior planning for such a thing. You can write the attack, just don't assume it lands. This also applies to your character being aware of things - just because YOU know something, doesn't mean your character does.

Mun does not equal muse. Many people play villains because they're fun, don't assume that these people share the viewpoints of such characters just because they're writing them. The RPC would be painfully boring without some villain muses to stir the pot!!

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xkit rewritten

The absolute saviour of tumblr rp when you're on pc, unfortunately I don't believe it's available on the phone app but it's super useful for pc users. For chrome you can find it in the chrome extensions, I'm sure it's available similarly for other browsers. The functions on xkit that specifically benefit rp are: clean feed (for blacklisting any content you don't want to see), mutual checker, tag tracking+ and trim reblogs. Any others are entirely up to your discretion whether you want to use them or not. To use 'trim reblogs' the post must be in your drafts or posted, then you can use the little scissor tool at the bottom of the post to snip off older replies and avoid posts becoming excessively long.

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Settings

So if you're like me and want a chronological timeline for those you follow? Here's how to do that. Go into account settings. Not the blog settings to edit how that looks, you want the settings that has your account info, dashboard preferences, ect. Click 'Dashboard', which should be on the right hand side menu on your screen if you're using pc. Optional: Enable 'Show timestamps' so you can see how old posts are. I find this useful as it ensures I'm not responding to something that is 5 years old lmfao. Scroll down and turn off 'Best stuff first'. This should make your 'Following' tab chronological, ensuring you see whenever people you follow are posting.

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Blog Design

Try to make sure you have a header and an icon for your blog, you can set those using the 'blog settings' tab. Even if there's no picture of your character themselves, try to use an image that captures their vibe - this advice is for both the icon and the header tbh. While not having one isn't bad, it will make people less likely to follow back or perhaps even block you! Often iconless/headerless blogs are spam bots and everyone loathes those.

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Meanings of words commonly used by RP accounts:

Mutuals - Your mutuals or 'moots' are those following you that you follow back. Private - This means that the blog only interacts with Mutuals. Selective/semi-selective - Won't roleplay with everyone, they'll rp with people based on their own preference. Thread - A single rp storyline. Verses - Different timelines of characters. Eg. Kidverse, fantasyverse, ect. Mun/Mundane - You! The writer of the blog! Muse/Muses - Character/s you're writing. Faceclaim - The 'actor' of your muse, whether canon or otherwise. Who do you imagine playing them when writing or whose icons would you use for them.

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Tagging

When writing with someone it's a good idea to put their username in the tags at the very least, this allows them to find your threads easier. ie: '#magpiesmemes' would be used by others if they were to write with this blog.

Making tags for individual threads is also useful, meaning you can find specific rps far quicker. They don't have to be fancy but some people do like to make fancy ones. A nice simple one would be 'Thread: Threadname'.

Also having tags for specific verses is a good idea, indicating to your rp partner what timeline they're writing it. Something like '#kidverse' will do the job but you also can make those fancy.

Having a tag for rp memes you've reposted is a good idea also, meaning it's easier to find if someone wants to send you something. '#memes' does the job just fine.

Lastly, if you're a multimuse then having character tags is a good idea, indicating to people what character they're writing with. Something like '#charactername' is fine but again, any tag can be fancied up to your likings.

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Pinned Post

Having a pinned post at the top of your blog has become fairly standard practice in the rp scene these days. Usually this has your important links on it (rules/muse pages) and some explanation of what kind of blog yours is. For example: 'This is a Private, selective blog for charactername from fandom/an oc. Written by mun. [Ruleslink] - [Muselink]' This would work as a simple rudimentary introduction for people checking out your blog. You can pin a post by selecting the three dots in the top right on it after it is posted, ensuring it's the first thing people see when looking at your blog. This is mine, for example but it needn't be so indepth. I just have zero chill. If you're writing on a sideblog then it's best to also have a pinned post on your main account with a link leading to your roleplay account. That way people will know that you're a roleplayer looking to write if you follow them - and also they may follow the link to check out your stuff!

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Making Rules/Muse pages

These are important to indicate to people what you will or won't write, your personal writing preferences, ect. Many people won't rp with people who don't have these as it means they can't be sure of boundaries. People often use a post to do this, linking it in their pinned post to ensure people can find it. [Tutorial on how to link posts here]. That's the simplest way. You can also make a google doc or even make a carrd instead, linking them for people to refer to for this information. Alternatively you can use your pinned post and simply list it there - though there is risk of it cluttering your page if you have many muses. To avoid that, you can use a 'read more' such as the one this post was under. Make a new paragraph and various options come up, you want the one that looks like two straight lines with a squiggly line between them. [This icon].

Things to have on your rule page:

- Things you won't roleplay/triggers. - What is your stance on shipping (do you autoship with people who rp your muses partner or do you prefer chemistry first, ect.) - Writing length preference. Do you prefer short simple threads, paragraphs or more novella style? - Do you use icons? Do you prefer your partner would use/not use icons? Same questions with text formatting. - Tagging requests. Are there things you want to avoid on your dash using xkit's blacklist?

Things to have on your muse/about page:

- Basic description of who your character is, it's best to write it as if you're explaining them to someone who hasn't seen what they're from - even if they're a popular canon character. - If they're an oc with a universe of their own, a basic explanation of that universe would be useful but isn't really necessary if you can't/don't want to. - A picture reference of some kind is also useful, if possible. - A description of the verses you write them in. For example: 'Kidverse - This verse is set when my character is aged whatever and this is a short description of what they're like in that particular verse.'

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Advertising Your Blog

One of the many ways people advertise their blogs is by posting self promos. These are usually edited images with a little blog tagline, links to important pages and a short description of your blog. Here's an example of my own. Including tags of the fandoms you write in/write with is a good way to try and draw attention your way. Alternatively, if you're limited in your image making/editing skills you can make a simple post, perhaps with an icon or gif to draw attention. Explain your blog, what you write, who you're looking to write with, ect. Make sure to include tags so people can see it!

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More To Do?

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Okay, so you've got the basics down, now what? Well, there's a lot you can do to make your blog more functional and/or appealing.

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Thread Tracking

So you've got a roleplay but you're scared you'll forget to reply? I recommend RPThreadTracker. There's a how-to use it on the site faq and it's a lifesaver in keeping track of your threads tbh.

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Icons

Though not necessary, you can find icons to use usually by searching the 'charactername icons' or 'faceclaim icons' right here on tumblr, be sure to follow peoples instructions for using them though. Some people will want a like/reblog for their use.

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Formatting

Many people, like myself, use some form of text formatting when writing. Some of the usual ones are small text, like the one I'm writing in now. That's done either by using 'ctrl+shift+-', 'ctrl+-' or you can use this:

while highlighting text. This tool also allows you to colour your text, italicise, ect. Play around with it in your own time to see what works for you. Some other useful keyboard shortcuts:

'Ctrl+b' - Bolds highlighted selection 'Ctrl+i' - Italicises highlighted selection 'Ctrl+z' - Undo, good for if you've accidentally erased text you didn't mean to erase.

[duine-aiteach]

Dia dhuit agus dia dhaoibh, a dhaoine eile! I have noticed that foghlaimeoirí Gaeilge who send asks to this blog often have trouble with the Irish copula ('is'). I thought I would write up a little explanation in case it helps people! If you prefer not to post this, feel free to ignore (or copy the text out to make your own original post, I don't mind). Here goes:

In Irish, there are two forms of the English word 'to be' (is/are): the verb 'bí' (tá/níl/bhfuil/raibh/beidh), and the copula (is/an?/ní). The question is, when to use which?

The answer: it depends on whether you are talking about a noun (thing), verb (action), or adjective (descriptor).

The copula is only used when you are linking a noun to another noun (or pronoun). ie: Thing = Thing.

Verbs and adjectives use the verb bí (usually the tá form).

Compare these 3 sentences: I am tired, I am running, I am a teacher.

'Tired' is an adjective. We therefore need bí (in its usual form, tá). So our sentence is: "Tá mé tuirseach" ("táim tuirseach" in the standard form).

'Running' is a verb. We need bí here as well: "Tá mé ag rith" (táim ag rith).

'A teacher' is a noun.

Noun = Noun: in this case, we need to use the copula. It becomes: "Is múinteoir mé". Because this is the Thing = Thing structure, you can't use bí (Tá mé múinteoir/tá múinteoir mé are both wrong).

(Remember that when using the copula, the two 'things' in the sentence are usually in the opposite order than in english - 'is múinteoir mé, not 'is mé múinteoir' , even though 'I' comes before 'teacher' in the English sentence.)

You could also use a slightly different structure for emphasis: Múinteoir is ea mé (i AM a teacher!).

It's also worth noting that the copula doesn't like being next to the word 'an' ('the'), so you have to change the structure slightly in that case. Consider 'I am THE teacher' - you'd think it would be 'Is an múinteoir mé', but 'is' and 'an' don't like being together, so it changes slightly: 'Is mise an múinteoir'. (You introduce yourself as 'Is mise Pól' for the same reason!)

More examples of sentences using bí and the copula correctly: Is mise d'athair! Níl tú ag dul go dtí an léithreas. An dochtuir é an fear sin? Bhí mé san ollscoil. Is mac léinn Gaeilge mé.

So there you have it! When to use the copula, and when not.

Are there exceptions? Obviously - is Gaeilge é seo. Here are some:

You can carefully arrange a Thing = Thing sentence to avoid the copula: 'Múinteoir atá ionam' is an example. Use the structure 'Thing + a + [appropriate form of verb bí] + i (the preposition 'in') + other Thing'. The literal meaning could be written something like, 'it is a teacher that is in me'. (ionam = i + mé). This form is nice because bí has more forms than the copula, so it can be easier to express more complex structures. Did you know there is no future form of the copula?* If you want to say 'I Will be a teacher', 'Múinteoir a beidh ionam' is your only option. I am only a teacher - Níl ionam ach múinteoir!

Is maith liom ___, ___ is ainm dom, etc - I personally don't understand why these phrases are constructed the way they are (why not tá?). And that's okay. I simply learn them as 'set phrases' - words that always go together. This doesn't work so well for more basic sentences like my previous examples, because for those, you will be putting new combinations of words together on the fly, so knowing the grammar mechanics really helps. For these set phrases, I just learn them and ná chur ceisteanna faoi!

*technically, the future form of the copula is also 'is' - so ' I will be a teacher' is also translated as 'is múinteoir mé', the same as present tense. Could get confusing!

I hope this was helpful to somebody! I have scanned for typos and mistakes in the Irish, but I am typing up on mobile, so I can't guarantee perfection.

Oíche mhaith agus slán!

Go raibh míle maith agat!

[cthulhubert]

Some more random translation from Japanese thoughts:

Read a few volumes of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, or in Japanese, Sousou no Frieren. I love looking up the meanings of words in other languages, seeing how they cut up the world in different ways than English. Japanese is especially interesting because it feels like all the kanji lead to a lot of words that are so specific they feel like jargon. "no Frieren" unambiguously glosses as "Frieren's"; but 葬送? "Attending a funeral procession; seeing off the deceased; burial of someone's remains; observing a burial."

Even if we had a word that meant close to the same thing, not sure a translator would've used it. Really upfronts the bittesweet and gloomy aspects of the series, compared to the title in English, huh?

A friend's playing the latest remaster of Final Fantasy VI, and we were talking about the differences between the Woolsey (SNES) and Slattery (GBA, Pixel) translations. While Woolsey made some great choices (especially in Chrono Trigger), he apparently also made quite a number of unambiguous errors, and Slattery kept most of Woolsey's more famous fun lines.

Here's Mato (professional Japanese localizer, been a fan of his blog for forever) on the differences: Legends of Localization.

But we talked about one change he thought was definitely worse:

Slattery has Kefta spamming every arbitrary negative word in English he can think of, but in the original text, Kefka is saying "Chikushou" over and over until he can only say "chiku" repeatedly; it's clear that he's having a meltdown. Not a time for verbosity.

Chikushou is one of the first ten Japanese curse words I learned, but the explanation of what it meant was so unclear I barely recalled it. "Damn it" is JDIC's first choice gloss, and it's probably a good one because it turns out the etymology is religious (ish: Buddhist), and just like how people say "damn" without actually intending to invoke the righteous wrath of God, a Japanese person just says it because they are annoyed. But it was originally an insult towards a person, saying they have been or deserve to be reborn into the Animal Domain, that is, they are lower than a real human, that they are brutish and ruled only by their desires. (This is right after you smack Kefka one, so you can see why he goes there.)

I ended up thinking about the choice of "esper" for the summoned creatures in VI. It's a great word, and I always thought it was very evocative of some kind of magical creature. Maybe just because I played Final Fantasy VI III at a formative age, or maybe because it sounds like vesper or whisper. It's actually from Extra Sensory Perception. Japanese loves its acronyms so "ESP-er" becomes "esper" becomes anybody with psychic powers. But despite that being common lingo, the magic creatures in FFVI were called 幻獣 ("genju", 'phantom beasts'), as they are in every iteration of the series (except VIII which uses GF).

While I was looking around on the final fantasy wiki, I noticed that the word translated as "magitek" is actually not that at all. It was actually "魔導", "mado". I've been chuuni, so I recognized "魔" ("ma", 'magic') off the bat, though not "導", It was interesting that it looks and sounds so similar to "道"; "do" is path or way, it's the kanji they use for the tao, and you might recognize it from "judo" and "kendo". 導 basically means conduct or guidance.

魔 on its own actually means something more like "evil spirit" than "magic", you add 法 (principles/law/system) to get "mahou", which is a very good match for "witchcraft". And 魔道 is in fact "the path of evil". The main reason I mention it is because like chikushou, it has a connection to Japanese Buddhism, which uses "mado" to refer to a netherworld where evil spirits dwell. 魔導 then is something like "leading (evil) spirits", which is a good fit for what magitek does in the game; though it's also generally used for sorcery and black magic.

[lifenconcepts]

I have been reading your blog from afar for a while now and I don't mean this in a creepy way at all, but the things you post are bizarrely similar to my own experiences. Although not at all similar because as I imagine (like me) you have 1 William Million different incomprehensible facades, so many you become smooth like a sphere. Probably all that is Hidden makes us polar opposites. That is all I have it say.

P.S I also like Russian music

This has been roaming my inbox for a while but I’ve just wanted to keep it there like a pinned message on a bulletin board, and yet, I hope I haven’t made you yearn for when I’ll answer this too much.

But yeah you seem like an eternally fascinating creature, and in all honesty, if I could change my identity on a daily and yet all the while being anonymous, I would. Sadly, being forced into a blog is inherently limiting, so I just try my best anyways to express and explain myself with all the metaphorical and literal explanations of what there is to life. I hope you find interest in my posts, maybe reassurance or help, even intrigue, but never feel afraid to reach out to me. My anons are always open to such lovely individuals such as you.

I agree that on the surface, many seem similar and even identical in some ways, but the fact we have an equal or more amount of things hidden away from others and out of reach of being perceived may just be what allows our brains to pilot desires and motivations. We all have struggled, ideas, goals, perceptions, interests, and thoughts - and sometimes a specific thing can coexist with an infinitely more nuanced thing (think to how some horrible people of the past like Hitler could have still been decent in hobbies like art or to their loved ones) but fear not for the difference as the very same thing that tears us apart also brings us together. We’re different and yet act a certain way to make others more happy in approaching us. It’s like two puppeteers communicating solely through their puppet shows. So much exists beyond, and yet, it just so happens that nobody wants to acknowledge who is behind the dolls on stage. You can sneak a glance, but you’ll not know the identity of the omniscient creature who is playing with an image for you to view. It may just be fine, though. ah, because you must be so interesting. Everyone is so interesting. There’s so much more than masking and hoping for time to wear down on confusion and allow light to peek through. Light is within you, friend.

aha! And I wanted to inquire, what’s your favourite Russian music? I personally love Alexey Vishnya, daitye tank, Bioconstructor, and Molchat Doma. A bit of an un unique taste but I just can’t be bothered with naming all the hundreds of artists I listen to from the soviet era. Anything Russian from the 80s I just adore.

[quickspinner]

No need to answer but I see you never tag mc-lukanette's posts with anything. I already follow them so nbd but for people who follow you but not them I feel like it gives this vibe that you don't really like their content and are just reblogging obligatorily? Usually you reblog posts with stuff like "cute" or "aw" which sounds like not much but it sort of tells people what they're in for. If you've got some kinda beef with them then disregard, just is v noticeable since you tag most other posts.

I actually haven't been tagging a lot of things lately except with the quickroundup tag. I haven't had time lately to read things right away but if I don't reblog immediately I tend to forget, or get confused about which ones I have and haven't reblogged. I sometimes manage to read things from my friends right away, but not usually. Art is easier because I just have to look at it so those usually do get something tagged because I do want people to know they are seen and appreciated. MC asked long ago not to be included in the roundup so those don't get even the roundup tag.

With that said, I have always made a policy to reblog everything Lukanette possible whether I am a fan of it or not and regardless of my personal feelings about the author. From the beginning I have felt that if I wanted others to promote my work, I should start by promoting theirs. If that implies I'm only reblogging out of obligation, well 🤷‍♀️ it's a self-imposed obligation that no one is responsible for but me. I'm not sure I intended to become the Lukanette clearing house but I have the platform and followers now and even if something might not be to my particular arbitrary taste, that doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to be promoted and find its proper audience. That's my personal philosophy.

I used to try and comment on every AO3 fic as well, hoping to encourage more people to keep writing because I love the ship and I want there to be as much content as possible, and because I like encouraging new writers and I know from personal experience how much a positive comment can help. I haven't been doing that for a while, either - too much Stuff going on in life and in my head that I don't care to talk about here.

To anyone who has felt disappointed that I didn't comment, know that it is not a commentary on your work, just the big fat mess that is life and mental health right now. Please know that even if it was true that I didn't personally click with your story, there are people out there who will love it, and I'm more than happy to help you find them, so release any guilt you feel about being reblogged "unworthily." You are worthy and your work deserves to be seen, and not only shouldn't I be The Arbiter of What Is Good Enough, I have absolutely no desire to be.

If you (general) feel people should only reblog things they absolutely love, and are somehow offended that I choose to include everything, we just have a difference of opinion on how we want to run our blogs. You do your thing, and I'll do mine.

If anyone has any "best of the best" or otherwise curated blogs or lists I am happy to promote them, but I like the way I do things here, and I don't plan to change. I will however continue to honor any requests not to be included in the weekly roundup, so remember if it bugs you to be on their for some reason, any reason, just send me a message and I will comply, no questions asked, no explanation needed.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

I'm bringing this theory here because I feel like, of all of the blogs, you will handle this gracefully.

Joe has seemingly had a very abrupt change in personality. Some of it is the facade public persona. I never believe when a celebrity claims to be a "private" person because, well, they're famous. So him dating a very public figure wasn't this huge deception.

That being said, the shift from the man who appreciated his fans, who spoke about his work like it was an art form, who attended anti-Trump rallies to the current Joe is quite startling. Within the span of two years, Joe became apathetic towards fans, gave a bizarre award acceptance speech in front of very important people, and is now romantically linked to someone with white nationalist beliefs.

I truly feel like there may be some drug abuse at play. This isn't me excusing or shaming him in any form. Addiction is a serious illness that isn't to be taken lightly. It also changes people, and not for the better.

I'm sure he was socially using before his big break, but money and fame bring more access. Joe's use may now extend beyond his friends' normal party-boy use. He was traveling everywhere with his childhood friends; now those friends haven't been seen with him in ages.

Maybe I'm just really hoping that he truly isn't as awful as he appears to be right now. And I'm not definitively saying that he's an addict or drug abuser. But it could explain him becoming, as you put it, a "pod person."

Ugh. It's so tricky with this. All of this conversation has to be taken with a grain of salt, because we don't know him, and we're thousands of miles away. But it's especially true when topics like this get brought up. People want to run with any salacious theory they find, and drug use is always a go to. Plus all the stigma and shame around addiction makes it so hard for people to admit when they need help.

It could be an explanation. Could. Could not. We don't know anything.

But I want to be very clear this is a theory, and nothing more. This is not definitive. I've created a space for open dialogue, and it's one theory around many.

Anyone who has struggled with this, there is no shame. And anyone who has a loved one who has gone through this, my heart goes out to you. It's a tough road.

No one is pushing a narrative here.

[beebeetheclown]

Okay. Lol. I’ve been gone for a day and a half but it’s because even with all that little time away from the media for a moment made me realize things.

Not an angry or sad rant. FINALLY a happy and grateful explanation rant. For real this time💕

- I was so happy doing my own things and not worrying of things I usually worry about

- for example, coming on here and other platforms, I don’t get saddened by little or no notifications because I want the attention and likes, I need to feel like I am still liked. Due to past friendship abuse, I am not a people pleaser, but I feel the need to do things, anything, to get people to like who I am. They have made me so paranoid that if I get little notifications, or no communication with anyone but family, it means that people don’t like me and that I am boring or I have made a mistake and made them angry. But I know that is not the case, of course. But it is just how my mind takes it because that past abuse is stuck to my brain like a leach.

- so that being said, sometimes when I’m in that mood, I get really sad and down and worry and make myself panic that I am for some reason not liked or that I’ve made people upset. That’s why, for me personally, social media can be tricky.

- in a good mindset though, I do like coming on here and sharing my likes and ideas. Whether or not I get feedback, it is something I enjoy. I enjoy sharing things, mostly silly or happy things, to make others happy. Or I like writing deep things sometimes to connect with people who relate.

- this past month I feel as if this blog has just been such a mess of things. I posted some things I don’t usually post. My mood and personality has been changing rapidly. So sorry if some posts have been a bit off putting or different from what I usually post. In those moments, I really wasn’t myself at all.

- I think what is best for me now is to not worry about posting daily, just when I have an exciting update or a thought or post about Jeremy. That way, if I don’t post everyday, I won’t have to be on the media everyday and make those abused thoughts make me feel unliked.

- without letting all those bad thoughts eat me, I have been doing better things. Going out of the house, helping with more chores, getting a new hobby (bracelet making and selling hehe🤭), reading more, and I even started writing again.

- I think the problem is that I started quite literally living in this app and in social media. To me, nothing else mattered, this was the most important thing but I realized how bad that can be. This is meant to be a little side hobby, not my whole life.

- so yes, I will be back. But I will not post as regularly as I usually do. I think I have become addicted to doing this, constantly checking if I got any notifications. That is a very bad mindset. I will now only post when I feel the right to.

If you read all of this, omg wow thank you lol. I feel like I am such a mess. But this is me FINALLY and ACTUALLY clearing it alllll up.

One more thing. Thanks to the greatest and most beautiful person ever to ✨@zengmengxin✨ for putting up with all my crazy bizarreness and being there to listen and lend a hand and make me laugh💕 if I ever see you on the street irl, Im totally giving you a gold star sticker. I love stickers.

And thanks to all my other mutuals who are still here through all my crap haha. I lost some followers but that’s okay, the ones who stayed are the real ones❤️